Blue Notes in Holiday Cheer

Holidays are ritual signposts in our life journey.  We mark our years by them.  Holidays are also cultural imperatives, and in December, you just plain can’t avoid them.  The  dominant message in Western Culture  as we walk the streets, or tune into the media, or shop for food is give, give, give, buy, buy , buy, party , party, party, joy, joy, joy….We are also called, within this urging to celebrate (and spend money doing it) to find our own strength for goodwill, peace and justice in the world.

The holidays can be a strain for those struggling to find that inner strength – a struggle for those without the comfort of friends or family – a struggle for those who have lost their ability to hope, or feel free, or find their stride.  When loss is heavy within us, we might sense that something is missing in our formula for joy, whether it be the loss of a loved one or a relationship, a broken marriage, or perhaps a sense of the lack of a place that feels like home, or a change in one’s physical ability or financial security.

The holidays hit hard on those who do not feel like celebrating – for those who do not feel the miracle of life, but rather the sense that life is long and arduous.  We can feel isolated when we do not find the rhythm of joy about us.  Things just cannot be the same – the way they were.

And you know what?  Loss is the end of the world as we know it.  Every moment is, in fact.  Grief is not about finding our way back to what was, it’s about finding our inborn strength to adjust to a new way of being and a more expansive way of seeing.

I love  J.K. Rowling’s rendering of “thestrals” in the Harry Potter series.  A person can only see thestrals if they have seen death.  We may think we’ve gone a bit crazy when we see things differently, until we meet another who truly understands.

So if your heart is heavy entering into this holiday season give it credence and find someone who understands.  Lighten your heart a bit with the company of another, either in person, in reading, in loving communities or a counselor.  Give yourself room – all of you – and joy, perhaps in tiny measures this year, will find a way, now and then, to emerge. 

Know you are loved.