Steadiness of Being

We really have two basic choices: to be ourselves, or not to be ourselves. It’s not about whether we are a success or failure, nor whether we are approved by others or better

or worse than others. It’s about coming to a true understanding of ourselves and finding the integrity therein.

This is far easier said than done. In fact, it is a lifelong endeavor. Integrity takes practice, affirmation, and courage … especially in a society that invites “presentation” and glamour. Integrity reflects our inborn truth, something that we assume, more often than not, is not good

enough to “get ahead” or “get noticed.” It is also something that is discouraged, because it challenges others to find their own integrity; an often difficult and vulnerable revealing.

When I am not myself, I am comparing myself to others, wondering how I rate or impress.  When I am not centered on my own truth, I am projecting outward, manifesting shame or blame, self righteousness or victimhood. In short, when choosing not to be myself, I am rating my value by chasing external affirmation. When we each do this, we end up chasing each other around, controlled by projection and judgment – ours and others. 

One way out of the cycle of judgment is into generosity.  When we give of ourselves, we find a steadiness of being. The success of the moment comes from a true interchange rather than control of other. It’s a delicate balance between self affirmation and love of other, a

balance that can be tested, tried and trained in a faith community like UUFHC. As we give and receive from one another, as we come together and bless each other’s

journey, we encourage a deeper honesty and an experience

for life in its abundance. 

(excerpted from the october 2010 UUFHC newsletter)

A Challenge of Heart

What a strange task: to cuddle my children into independence.  The embrace and 

affirmation help them feel secure and self assured, encouraging them to explore 

the world.  

What a strange, heart challenging enterprise: daring a close bond to launch a 

separate life, giving a steadfast love to assure a strong leave-taking.

Would I give up the hugs? No.  Yet each one creeps closer to an empty nest.  

And that is at it should be. 

Blessings Be.

Grace Happens

More than 20 years ago, while living in Manhattan, I experienced an encounter that stays with me to this day. I was crossing 6th Avenue during lunch hour on 23rd street. Sixth Avenue is a wide one-way street, spanning four car lanes and two bus lanes. When the traffic is moving, it creates a formidable wall of rushing vehicles.

As I was crossing the street, I passed a woman who was moving slower than I was, and, by my calculations of the blinking "Don't Walk" sign, I knew that she was not going to make it to the curb before the lights changed. I also noticed a cab driver on the far corner lane who was filling out a chart, unaware of the woman. Without thinking, I stood in front of the taxi. My sudden change of motion caught the driver's attention. I pointed to the woman who was close to entering his forward field as the light changed. The sea of cars surged forward beside us. Startled, he acknowledged to me that he would wait her out. The woman saw that she was safe and I simply moved on.

This happened very quickly, without fanfare—a simple moment before getting on with the day. I took three steps on the curb and was suddenly aware of a peculiar draft of air. I stopped again, surprised by the shift in atmosphere. It seemed to gently surround me, creating a stillness, a kind of tender embrace, even in the midst of the lunch hour bustle.

The sensation felt like a hand passing through me, gently calming all the molecules of my being, communicating a well being and ultimate logic—a universal love that transcends the words I am using.
At the time, I thought of it as a message—an affirmation—for the direction I was taking, for the direction I was going was far different than the course I had been on. I needed to feel affirmed —truth be told—because I was moving out of free lance film production to ministry—a counter-intuitive leap, an unlikely choice.

So, frankly, I personalized the moment—I gave it a storyline to fit my ego need.
In retrospect, I see it still as an affirmation, but not one individually directed at me, exactly, nor any kind of confirmation of my worth or designation or choosing from "above." It was merely a moment when I was open enough, when my will aligned with the grace that permeates the world.

(exerpted and slightly adapted from a sermon delivered at UUFHC -- sermon archive: http://www.uufhc.net/)